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Can
Mediation
Bring
Resolution
in Caretaker
Elder Abuse?
by
Jennifer
Grammer,
Registered
Indiana
Domestic
Relations
Mediator
Case #
1:
Helen, a
96-year-old
woman,
stood
outside
the back
door of
an
Indiana
nursing
home
late at
night
crying,
her hair
hanging
in thin
strands
down her
back
with her
two
front
top and
bottom
teeth
missing.
A
nurse’s
aide was
surprised
to find
a
stranger
there
wearing
only a
nightgown
and a
tattered
housecoat
and
shoes,
with no
belongings.
It was
then
discovered
that her
in-home
caretaker
had
dumped
her off
there
after a
heated
argument.
The
caretaker
returned
to the
elder
woman’s
home
long
enough
to drain
her bank
account
and pack
up her
entire
home’s
possessions
in a
U-Haul,
leaving
in the
middle
of the
night.
The
nursing
home and
Helen’s
attorney
notified
Helen’s
three
relatives
about
what had
happened.
Helen
and her
relatives
had had
an
unresolved
family
dispute
ten
years
earlier,
and,
despite
legal
intervention
of the
relatives’
part,
Helen
had cut
off all
contact.
But now
Helen’s
daughter-in-law
and two
adult
grandchildren
found
out from
her
friends
and
neighbors
that
Helen
had
undergone
years of
sexual,
verbal,
mental,
physical,
and
financial
abuse
and
neglect
by her
estranged
caretaker.
Case #
2: A
woman
who was
terminally
ill with
a brain
tumor
had only
one
remaining
family
member.
This
cousin
lived
out of
state
and was
unable
to care
for her,
but knew
the
older
woman
had five
friends,
two of
whom
were
caregivers.
Her
caregivers
held
executorship
and
legal
power of
attorney
over
her.
This
cousin
was
aghast
at what
turned
out to
be a
legal
and
emotional
nightmare.
The
friends’
compassion
had
quickly
turned
to greed
and
manipulation
when
they
discovered
her
estate
was
worth
several
hundred
thousand
dollars.
In both
of these
real-life
cases,
women
suffered
at the
hands of
their
caretakers
whose
intentions
were
less
than
pure. Is
elder
abuse
common?
It is,
according
to the
Bureau
of
Justice
Statistics.
In the
year
2000,
121,000
seniors
age 65
and over
experienced
a
violent
victimization
(Rennison
2001).
Another
study
determined
that
two-thirds
of the
abusers
were the
victims'
children
and
grandchildren
(Davis
and
Juanjo
Medina-Ariza,
DVPP
sample
from
2001).
They
found
that
many of
these
abused
elders
were
trapped
in
dependent
relationships
with
their
abusers
because
of their
total
dependence
on them
emotionally,
psychologically,
financially,
and
physically.
What Is
Eldercare
Mediation?
In Elder
Mediation,
the
elderly
and
their
family
members,
caretakers,
and
other
interested
parties
sit down
with
neutral
mediators
in a
family
meeting.
Each is
invited
to list
topics
for
discussion,
then
perspectives
are
shared,
and
agreements
are
reached
following
a focus
on
problem-solving.
The
participants
often
work
together
afterward
to find
resources
that can
help the
elder,
and then
meet
again to
finalize
their
agreements.
Is
Eldercare
Mediation
a viable
way for
elders
and
their
families
to
prevent
and
address
such
dire
consequences?
Mediation
has been
shown to
be an
effective
methodology
in
resolving
elder
abuse
(Mediation
Advocacy
in Elder
Abuse,
McIvers).
This is
because
mediation
provides
the
following:
•
Mediation
takes
place in
a safe,
neutral
environment.
• In
mediation,
family
members
can
discuss
the
issues
that
have
gone
unaddressed.
•
Mediation
ensures
that the
elder’s
voice is
heard,
meeting
at the
time and
place
most
comfortable
to the
elder.
•
Mediators
work
with
families
and
caretakers
to
increase
understanding
even
when
there
any many
emotionally-ridden
disputes.
• In
mediation,
participants
can be
educated
about
abuse
and be
encouraged
to
monitor
and
report
potentially
abusive
situations.
•
Participants
can
agree on
how to
best
monitor
future
financial
concerns
and care
(such as
home
health
evaluations).
Elder
Mediation
has been
on the
rise
since
1994,
and
research
and
mediation
training
continue
to rise
both in
the
United
States
and
internationally
due to
elder
conflict
among
families
(Elder
Mediation:
Finding
Family
Balance
When
Caregiver
Roles
Reverse,
Bertschler).
Should
mediation
ever be
used to
confront
the
betrayer?
In some
situations,
family
members
may want
to use
mediation
to gang
up in
accusing
and
punishing
a
wrongdoer.
In other
situations,
abusers
may try
to use
the
mediation
process
to
further
abuse
the
victim,
particularly
if the
abuser
is a
mastermind
of
deception.
The
abuser
could
then
pinpoint
the
victim’s
most
vulnerable
points
and
cause
further
harm. To
avoid
further
harm, it
is
important
for the
mediators
to
continually
assess
the
situation
and
determine
whether
mediation
is
appropriate.
If it
is, the
mediators
need to
determine
whether
a
combined
meeting
or
separate
meetings
should
be held.
If the
abuser
is
seeking
forgiveness
and is
remorseful,
mediation
may
prove to
be a
helpful
first
step. In
those
circumstances,
it may
be
possible
for the
mediators
to keep
the
focus on
the
present
and
future
care of
the
elder.
The
mediators
need to
be
vigilant
throughout
the
process
with
regard
to
potential
violence,
reworking
of the
truth,
and
blame-shifting.
The
mediators
can work
with
parents,
adult
family
members,
caretakers,
attorneys,
social
workers,
friends,
and
adult
protection
advocates
to keep
the
caretaking
process
on
track,
and to
ensure
that the
participants
maintain
a clear
focus on
the
elder’s
primary
concerns.
What
preventive
measures
can
elder
mediation
provide?
The
earlier
a family
incorporates
elder
care
meetings
alongside
an elder
care
facilitator,
the less
likely
last
minute
decisions
or
problematic
scenarios
will
develop.
Such
things
as
deciding
upon
short
and
long-term
care
giving,
transportation,
medical
assistance,
establishment
of
trusts,
legacy
and
inheritance
decisions,
health
care
proxies,
guardianships,
funeral
and
burial
plans,
the sale
of the
elder's
home,
and
future
residential
choices
are all
essential
aspects
of elder
care,
mediation,
and
abuse
prevention.
Ignoring
or
prolonging
preventative
care
until
the
senior
is
terminally
ill or
mentally
or
physically
incapacitated
can
result
in
financial
loss,
family
disputes,
and
emotional
turmoil
for
those
left to
plan.
Sitting
down
with
elder
care
mediators
can
establish
definitive
goals
and
roles
for all
family
members
to share
the
burden,
and give
the
power
back to
the
elder as
to his
or her
wishes
for care
and
disbursement
of
financial
assets.
Additionally,
it can
establish
a
cohesiveness
and
unity
within
the
family
rather
than a
battle
over
control,
manipulation,
or
misuse/abuse
of power
of a
caregiver.
Eldercare
mediation
can
provide
seniors
and
their
families
with
options
and help
uncover
issues
or
rivalries
previously
undealt
with,
that the
courts
and
litigious
procedures
do not
have the
time nor
capabilities
to
handle.
Likewise,
elder
mediation
can seek
to guide
the
family
to
resource
alternatives
and
incorporate
family
meetings
whereby
a
senior's
financial
planner,
CPA,
attorney,
or
nursing
care
provider
can
provide
input
and
solutions.
Considering
and
utilizing
elder
mediation
as a
viable
methodology
allows
for
proactive
solutions,
reduced
family
conflict,
the
preservation
of
family,
and
facilitation
by the
mediator
in a
safe and
comfortable
environment.
Biography:
Jennifer
Grammer,
M.A.-Mediator
has done
private
Christian
counseling
for over
14
years.
She is a
registered
Domestic
Relations
Mediator
in
Indiana,
and
serves
as a
member
of the
Association
for
Conflict
Resolution
and the
Indiana
Association
of
Mediators.
She
received
her
40-hour
Domestic
Relations
Mediation
training,
as well
as an
advanced
Elder
Mediation
training,
from
Janet E.
Mitchell,
JD,
Co-Founder
of
www.EldercareMediators.com
and
director
of the
Midwest
Mediation
Training
Center,
Fort
Wayne,
Indiana.
Additionally,
she
received
her
undergraduate
degree
in
communications,
and
holds a
Paralegal
Certificate
with a
specialization
in Elder
Law.
Jennifer
can be
reached
via
email at
jennifer.grammer@yahoo.com.
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